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Ocean’s Thirteen (2007)
IMDB rating: 7.10
Plot: The last time we saw Danny Ocean’s crew, they were paying back ruthless casino mogul Terry Benedict after stealing millions from him. However, it’s been a while since they’ve come back together, which is all about to change. When one of their own, Reuben Tishkoff builds a hotel with known casino owner Willy Banks, the last thing he ever wanted was to get cut out of the deal personally by the loathsome Banks. Banks’ attitude even goes so far as to finding the amusement in Tishkoff’s misfortune when the double crossing lands Reuben in the hospital because of a heart attack. However, Danny and his crew won’t stand for Banks and what he’s done to a friend. Uniting with their old enemy Benedict, who himself has a vendetta against Banks, the crew is out to pull off a major plan. One that will unfold on the night Banks’ newest hot spot opens up, when the crew is out to bankrupt one of the city’s most despised businessmen. But they’re not in this for the money, but for the revenge.
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Directors: Soderbergh Steven
Actors: Clooney George,Pitt Brad,Damon Matt,Pacino Al,Mac Bernie,Affleck Casey,Caan Scott,Gould Elliott,Qin Shaobo,Cheadle Don,Jemison Eddie,Garcia Andy,Schwartz Scott L.,Carl Reiner,Comedy,Crime,Drama,Thriller,
Looking for some honest opinons from people who know what they are talking about?
I’m writing this short story and would like some feedback. What I have isn’t much, but it is a start.
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Her breathing became shallow, gaze became distant. Thinly shaped lips no longer held the smil she once had for the camera. The flash of light hat came with every click causes her to slightly wince; she nervously shift feet every other two clicks.
Then she asked, "Are you coming back?"
A brief shake of my head and more clicks were my response.
"Do you love me?"
The clicking stopped; I took a glance at her through the camera lens. I put the camera down and stepped towards the railing. Gray clouds hid the blue sky, the waves of the ocean hugged the faded rocks along the shore line, ringing with it a wave of wind that left our skin feeling numb. She didn’t wait for my response. She came up next to me, rested her gloved hand atop of mine. Exposed fingers felt against mine.
"Well I love you" She leaned over and planted a small kiss on my cheek. Then left me on my own to explore my own thoughts. A pang of loneliness came into existence. Once all thoughts became exasperated I came around to realize she never really left. She stood below down near the water’s edge. Each careful foot step left its mark on the damp sand. Burst of laughter echoed against the sound of crashing waves as the water persisted against the edge to catch the feet of an angel. Her eyes feel to m direction. That camera smile finally lit up. I couldn’t help bur smile back. Her soft black hair fell barely past her shoulders. She stood confidently one her own, with a will stronger than my own.
I ended up coming back. We got together and decided on an apartment. It was a small studio apartment located on on the corner of fifth and sixth avenue. We laid a beaten down mattress in the center, and a chipped mahogany table near the kitchen area with two similar looking chairs placed opposite to each other. The first night out bare bodies fell into quite motion as breathing grew heavier and bodily temperatures skyrocketed.
Three months and thirteen days later I found myself sitting across from her at a place called Elia’s Cafe. It was a quaint brick building with ivy spread throughout the Victorian facade. Above the rosewood door hung the sigh that read "Elia’s Cafe", with the word "Cafe" looking so ever eloquently. We sat quietly sipping our coffee enjoying the atmosphere of the place.
Then she asked me again, "Do you love me?" I sat quiet sipping m cup of black liquid as she waited for my answer. I placed my now empty cup n the table. Before I let the cup go she placed her hand around mine. "You don’t have to answer," She said as she leaned forward to kiss my lips.
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Quick note I do realize I have some shift in tenses throughout this, so please ignore.
To Aryonna: I don’t expect a whole lot of answers, just a few with anything valuable to say. Hell I don’t care if I get one or two, just as long as it’s helpful.
It’s okay. I am going to be blunt with you.
You have talent, you really do but you are too caught up in being showy and wordy. One of the first things any author will tell you is to omit needless words. You have a lot of -ly adverbs which is considered bad writing. I like the descriptions though. And you use a lot of passive voice, that is frowned upon as well.
Overally, besides that changes i advised, I felt that this was good writing and could have lead to something good. This is obviously just a preview, but you didn’t really identify any plot to the reader. It was a little confusing, but interesting at the same time. I would have read on.
macaddict | Dec 13, 2009
the reason nobody answers is because its to long and not many people want to read something that long
Aryonna | Dec 12, 2009
First of all, I want to say I love the descriptions. It makes me feel like I’m there. But, I’m kind of confused. What is the plot of the story? Who are the people. If you eventually explain the characters and what is going on, and what the point of the story is, you’re story is going to be amazing! Hope this helps!
Cutie526 | Dec 12, 2009
There are some serious typos (which is ok because its only a draft I know) but the characters are shallow and one dimensional and there is very little conflict. I read it and felt like I was re-reading it over and over again. You need stronger characters. You need more conflict.
The Stig | Dec 12, 2009
Wow, that was good. You do have a few spelling error, like not finishing words like "me", but other than that it was good. One thing I do have to say is that you wrote, "She leaned over and planted a small kiss on my cheek." It seems like a sweet moment, her saying she loves him, so I don’t think "planted" suits it. I think it would sound better as, "Her warm lips gently kissed my cheek" or something like that. Other than that, it is really good. I really want to keep reading and find out what happens, but, unfortunately, you haven’t written it yet.
Hope this helps 
Julianne T | Dec 12, 2009
some more detail would be nice and a little more of an intro would be nice and some of it doesnt make sense but its good
monster13years | Dec 13, 2009
